Tuesday, 26 July 2005

Bushsavages Wreak Havoc In Capital

It must be a truth universally acknowledged, that if your husband is networking with a politician responsible for distributing aid money, that it is A Bad Thing to butt in and suggest that a possible starting point for halting the spread of AIDS would be getting men to keep their penises in their pants. Ahem. Politicians are a bit like the BBC in that regard, no time for rude words. Still, I don't think said politician will hold it against me. I googled him, he has a dodgy background in line-dancing. Anyway, I blame the free booze. Did I mention there was free booze? Did I mention there was positively no security and we just rocked up at the ambassador's residence going 'Hello, we're here for the party!' Like, you could make a LIVING out of that. There must be parties at embassies every night of the week. You could go to all of them. For the free booze. Did I mention there was free booze?

The layout was admirable. Toilet immediately on the left (for you know you will need to know where that is later), free booze bar immediately on the right, and food out in the garden with dogs waiting to hoover up the droppings. It took 20 seconds for the Resident Nutjob to find us. And only another 30 for her to invite us to sleep on her floor, although she had no mattresses or bedding of any kind, and her house was very full, but she liked it that way. Indeed. Luckily the Resident Bore didn't find us until the very end, by which point I had drunk enough free booze to forget to be polite. Drink is a terrible thing. Actually that's not true. I was in fact rudely polite. Or politely rude even. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I have absolutely no interest in talking to you. Goodnight. Well yes it was a horrible thing to say, but the drink, the drink! Besides, if nobody ever tells him he'll continue boring people to death for the rest of his life.

Then we went dancing! It was great! In heels as well! I didn't fall over once, and had only three mystery bruises the next day. In fact the whole shebang could even have been deemed a success, were it not for the small matter of accommodation. But more of that another day.