Residents of Bushland, Bushyville are currently chanting 'We are not Afraid' as their area has been put on to high security alert, known as Code Chicken. Reports are coming through that Head of Security, Jehosephat the Nightwatchman, has been called out to investigate no less than three different occurences.
At around 16:00 some villagers reported smoke billowing from the muzungu's house at the edge of the compound. Upon investigation it was discovered that the muzungu had drunk too many g&ts and fallen asleep with some buns in the oven. In a separate incident Shoes the Mechanic reported seeing someone board a bus carrying a suspect goat. This was immediately dismissed by Jehosephat, as neither buses nor goats have ever been seen in the area. Loveness the Nurse was despatched to provide a banana and some panadol to Mr Shoes, to counteract the effect of whatever he had been smoking.
And finally, at about 16:30 Roger the Dodger – bicycle repair man – made an attempt to secure the title of local ne'er do well, when he threatened Chief with "blowing your brains out". Witnesses were unanimous in their belief that he was unlikely to achieve this with an inner tube and an old candle.
Residents have been advised to stay indoors and watch out for anything suspicious. Unfortunately this advice has had to be ignored, on account of no lights for watching anything, and the danger of using a paraffin stove indoors with no ventilation. We await further updates.