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Wednesday, 9 February 2005

Sticky Fingers

The Man Who Gave Away The Sawmill has now stolen a laptop which was donated to the project. One member of staff has nicked a huge amount of money from another. Two others have been caught siphoning off cash from the office.

This country's labour laws were originally set up to protect poor black labourers from the dismissive whims and bad treatment by rich white people. Unfortunately the legacy of those laws is that it is now almost impossible to get rid of staff, no matter what their conduct.

We recently made some people redundant, with plenty of notice and solid redundancy packages. They are now trying to sue us.

Re theft: There is always the argument here that people are so poor and with so few opportunities that they will seize anything they can to make their lives better. And maybe that's how it should be. There is the comparison with back home which I have already posted about, whereby people claim false lunch expenses, take stationery, use company cars for private use etc etc. But who does that really hurt? Some big wealthy fat cat company director?

The thing that bothers me is that every time something is stolen here it is less money we have to spend on people who really need it. I appreciate that I will never know what it is to be so destitute and desperate, but you know what? In my opinion stealing is just WRONG. Until we can worm these people out I have to work with them. I'm hoping I won't have cause to use any of these Office Insults:

1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
2. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
3. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
6. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
7. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
8. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
9. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
10. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. Do I look like a fucking people person?
14. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
15. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
16. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
17. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

I particularly like No. 13. I think Oscar would approve. Mind you, I have actually asked No. 16.