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Friday, 5 November 2004

Here Is The News

Hello and welcome to today’s edition of Friday! This morning we are broadcasting live from the Jungles of Zambia, twinned by satellite with Knoxville Tennessee, and a country best known for Mosi beer, Mosquitoes, Mosi-o-Tunya and strange roadside stalls selling copper elephants.

It’s only 7 am here and already the air temperature has reached 'really unbearably hot and unable to breathe' on the thermometer. In traffic news we can report that today, as normal, there is none.

And so to other news. Asked by her employers if she would reconsider her refusal to eat pawpaws, in the face of the mountains of them piling up in the kitchen from an unknown benefactor, Milly laughed maniacally before uttering a resounding ‘No’.

In a special report on alleged Chicken Rustling we interviewed Chief on the matter.

‘Well, it’s like this, you see, a village chicken is a dumb chicken. They are not like town chickens. These village chickens will even sleep in the trees.’ 

Chief emphatically denied earlier reports that a Mzungu with a pickaxe had been seen chasing them round his garden.

We enquired as to the health of a member of staff here who has not been well. Unfortunately our investigations were inconclusive; to the question ‘How is your father?’ the man’s son replied ‘Yes’. Existentialism is alive and well here in the Jungle.

And a report just in – a man who was cycling to town on his bicycle, loaded up with 20 trays each carrying 36 eggs has fallen off. ‘Normally I boil them all first,’ he said, ‘now today I am really left with egg on my face.’